I haven't been posting anything in a while, but this post is to let you know that I'm still alive. Life's just a little hectic.

Don't you hate it when you're suddenly bombarded with ideas that doesn't relate to your life, and you cannot act on those ideas because you won't have the time? Yes, that happened. Since making my second comic strip(the one dedicated to my sister), I've been getting ideas that are funny but I won't have time to draw them or write them down before I forget. And that is making me pissed... (insert string of relevant obscenities here)

It doesn't only apply to my comic ideas, I have recipe ideas, innovation ideas, and novels in my head that's being rejected because my life is just too hectic. Working 12 hours a day while fitting in time for your university procedures and a workout session(Yes, I started working out... again!) leaves no space for "me time".

On an interesting note, my English teacher who taught me MUET suggested that I take up creative writing as a side job because she(like my previous language teachers) thinks I have talent. I met her 3 days ago at school, while getting my university papers signed. It's not that I don't want to take up creative writing as a side job, it's because the very idea conflicts with my life. I have very little time to write unfortunately.

I find it ironic that I have talents in all the wrong places. Creative writing and cooking are two talents that people claim that I have, but seriously, I never had the opportunity to brush on them. So, talent or no talent, it won't work to my favor other than to keep myself happy in my fantasy world and the fact that I won't die from starvation as long as I have edible items around.

I decided to post my previously unnamed and unfinished fantasy novel here. I called it Sceptear. While I'm no professional writer, I do write for fun sometimes.

I originally planned to make it into 3 novels. Dusk being the original story told by the character Leon, Dawn the prequel told by Leon's cursed maternal figure and love of his previous life Shadow/Sidheria, and the sequel Median that is told from the perspective of Leon's brother Axle.

I was hoping to write a story filled with plot twists, tragic love stories, humour, modern issues and fantasy. To put it easier, I was going to create a universe filled with drama, comedy and absurd laws of physics.

But that plan didn't happen, considering that I could not even complete the first novel due to life's interference. I was very enthusiastic to write it at first, but now I forgot what I was going to write... leaving a lot of plot holes that you could drive a truck through.

So, for what it's worth, I hope you enjoy the 4 1/2 chapters that I finished. I  probably don't write well, but hey, since all my attempts to show the world this story in my head has foiled(from web comics to novels) I might as well just post it little by little.

Uhm, and yes, I realize this post will already show some spoilers of the novel, but since it won't be complete any time soon, I don't think it matters.

Have you ever had a headache so bad that goes straight in your dreams, wake you up and have you suffer in reality?

I have! And it's no fun! The whole house was sleeping and I was writhing in agony as if my brain is desperately trying to expand and multiply. The pain was earth shattering! I got up after two hours of pain at 4 AM and bang my head on my parents' door because the medicine box is in their room. The reason I use my head is because it somewhat relieves the pain. I couldn't take it anymore!

To make the matters worse, it's still here! Today, at this very moment! Making me very miserable. I am not exaggerating! It really fucking bloody hurts!

Oh, and today at work, I met and heard of a few pricks that I seriously want to behead if they were not suppliers or customers. I'll talk more about the pricks later. I don't think my head can handle to rage.

I'm feeling better now and I don't have a stuffy nose anymore, but it seems like I still can't smell anything around me. EVEN cologne and insecticide. I hope it is temporary, because I don't want to live without having a sense of smell. Everything I eat is bland, and I can't tell how my cooking tastes like without my sense of smell.

So, now I'm a guy with 4 senses in all. Well, 5 if you call some of my accurate hunches as psychic.

I have this bad habit of sleeping with my head squashed below my pillow, just above my my nose so I could breathe. I don't know when I picked this up(probably from the time when I had to share my room with Bro #1 and Bro #2 many years ago, and now I'm back to sharing my room with them again.)

While it's nothing serious, because each of us have our sleeping habits. I mean, Bro #1 likes to snore and needs a bolster, Bro #2 have this habit of sleeping on his belly and having the blanket/duvet covering his head, and I take a long time to fall asleep and I squash my head below a pillow.

The problem I'm having right now is that I'm partially blind sometimes when I squash my head under the pillow, meaning I can't see clearly with or without my glasses. It's like I'm subconsciously performing corrective therapy while I sleep, and explaining why Sis couldn't get my power right the first time she attempted to try refraction on me(because I just woke up then).

Everything is blurry and I have to cook. Joy! Need to allow some time for the eyes to recover.

I'm planning to take IELTS within this month and I'm nervous as heck thinking about it (You can probably tell that I'm nervous from the weird and irrelevant title). The main reason would most probably be that my last English test was taken a year ago, and I'm afraid that I might not perform well.

The reason I'm nervous is because of two things:

1) I do not know much about IELTS's level of English, and I do not know what to expect. It feels like walking in a dark forest, not knowing what lies yonder. Let's just hope I don't fall victim to pit holes or ankle snares.

2) This is my one shot at getting a chance to study in the UK. No second chances, not safety nets. Just one single shot. If I miss, then it is over for me. I just hope Ash is right that my English is proficient enough. What worries me is the speaking and listening test. I'm not a smooth talker, I tend to space out, and I occasionally stutter like a recovering junkie.

May a higher power bless me.

On another note, I'm getting mysterious cuts. They are as thin and annoying as paper cuts, but they appear out of nowhere. I'll let you know if they start to appear as puncture holes on my palm, foot and heart. Heh, just kidding about the stigmata part.

To think I used to be able to stay awake for 36 hours with no problem, now I can barely stay awake for 20 hours. Sometimes, not even 12!

To make the matters worse, I cannot sleep throughout the night anymore. I always wake up in between sleep. Damn, what is wrong with me?

Either I'm becoming old, or I'm becoming a wimp. XP

Sigh~ I spent weeks looking for a university that would take me in for Pharmacy. I've gotten rejected by a few because I do not meet the rather unfair requirements. My counselors always claimed that STPM is harder than A levels, then why does the requirement for A levels(3 C) is always lower than STPM(3 B+)? I should've taken A levels instead, I'm starting to regret my decision that I've taken STPM.

Should I call it a mere dream and call it quits or keep on chasing the unreachable and hang onto the sliver of hope that I might get it? Pharmacy isn't exactly ideal, but it is something I like. Looking for new medicine and finding new cures is something I hoped to do, since I've always had an interest in curing the sick. Though many would encourage me to do medicine, I refuse to take it on. The risk is too high and I'm not sure if I can live with myself if I failed those who needed me the most(the patients). I'm easily depressed, so I don't think that's a quality in a doctor.

It is frustrating me to the point of explosion, I just don't know what to do anymore. Here I am hoping to do something, and yet there is nothing I can really do. I can't find any universities that would accept me because I'm not qualified. I don't know anymore, what am I doing exactly?

Mom got me a belated birthday present. An amethyst pendant with two triangle cuts on it, forming a hexagram illusion. Don't worry, it's not like I'm going to perform wizardry with this, though my previous(and lost) amethyst pendant looks cooler. The previous one is shaped like a dowsing crystal.

This latest pendant has low grade amethyst, because you can tell by looking at it. But, nonetheless, the symbolic meaning of the amethyst to me is good enough, though I have to admit I love blue crystals more.

Amethysts are supposedly crystals that bring me good luck and health, but I suppose even if I don't truly believe that, wearing it doesn't hurt now does it?

Now I need a chain to wear it on, I'm not using strings anymore they keep breaking or stinking. The breaking is precisely why I lost a few cheap pewter pendants as well as why I lost my first amethyst pendant.

Hee, believing in a little magic doesn't hurt now, does it? *mumbles magic chants*

Boy, am I stuffed!

Dad's birthday today, it's also the day I got a fixed deposit account, also two days after I opened my personal savings account(+ATM card). The fixed deposit took up a huge chunk of my savings, so I'm more broke than before. Well, not technically broke, but I can't touch 90% of my savings.

The decision came after I pondered around. Since I don't use much money now, might as well chuck it into FD for a higher interest. Plus, I asked the parents to give me a small allowance for doing housework and they agreed. I get more pay if I go to the shop to work, but heck, I prefer cooking much more.

I won't write much, because I'm stuffed like heck and my mouth still has the lingering taste of chardonnay. I'm constantly reminded why I don't drink with every sip. It tastes alright, but the warm surge you get after you swallow isn't. How do you people drink this stuff?!

Oh yes, I made some very good black pepper steak today. Here's the menu if you want the recipe:

1) Black Pepper Tenderloin
2) Baked Cheese Sandwich
3) Tomato Fair(It's basically stuffed tomato with a fancy name)

I accidentally cut my left thumb while slicing tomatoes on my newly sharpened kitchen knife. They are small tomatoes and my hands are big, so you get the picture. I'm a klutz, though I improved a lot when it comes to cooking techniques.

Then during dinner time, as I was slicing oranges on the counter behind the dining table, a bit of the juice seeped through the wound and gave me quite a pinch. I didn't say anything and just flinched a bit. Mom was passing by, she stopped and grabbed my left arm. She saw the cut on my thumb and said "No wonder I had that shiver down my spine this afternoon!"

Heh, my mother's intuition is infallible sometimes. She proceed to lecture me on putting on a band aid, and I told her I didn't because it is interfering with my work. She then grab the knife from my hand and slice the oranges for me.

Today's menu is:

1) Stir-fried Ginger and Onion Beef also known literally as "Ginger Onion Beef"
2) Tomato Omelette (Nowhere as fancy as Pei's, but this is the why I accidentally cut myself.)
3) Chicken Soup with Keichi, Red Dates and some-odd-hard-tuber-thingy

As usual, I'm open for recipe writing. Just holler in here with an e-mail, or just e-mail me for it.

Okay, another Indonesian maid ran off(two days ago). This new one hardly worked for 2 months. The reason for running? She misses her family and wants to go home. Some of the family members(I will not name who) were pissed because she ran off without consulting us first. If you think the previous sentence doesn't make sense, then read the two previous sentences together.

Grandma and I were sitting in the hall talking, when she ran off, disguising it as a simple taking the garbage out. I was the first one to notice, because she took bloody long to throw the garbage.

Then the whole family(except for the parents and Bro #1) went out to look for her. Grandma and I went by foot(wheelchair), Bro #2 and his fiancee went searching in his car. We went back confirming she ran off.

At 10-ish(as I was pushing Grandma to her room), Mom heard someone shouting from outside(our house doesn't have a doorbell, because it died). It turns out, the police came. There was a tiny thought that perhaps she was murdered came along. I mean, the police! When my logical side kicked in, how could they know our address if she was murdered?

Turns out that she ran to the police station and told them she wants to go home. I won't go further into detail. Let's just say we sent her back to her agent.

Now I'm back to becoming a Domestic God, along with the search for a university. I might apply for University of Nottingham(twinning), but don't get your hopes up yet, (The two people living in UK :P)!

Oh yes, my cooking skill is still good. Made really good food these few days. Even gotten praise from the people who ate my food.

If you're curious about what I made, here's the list of things I made in two days:

1) Garlic bread
2) French toast
3) Egg Sandwich(poached/fried)
4) Fried rice
5) Sweet and sour sutchi
6) Fried purple spinach(This one turned out pink!)
7) Deep-fried grouper in dark soy sauce
8) Scallop soup
9) Bean sauce chicken with potatoes
10) Bologna sauce spaghetti

All of them are self-styled because I never read any recipe for it(except the last one), and they are different from the usual way Mom make them. Just experimented on them, and turned out great! Speaking of recipes, you can ask for it if you want.

But it is certainly one of the best ones I ever had. I've got 4 gifts on my birthday which are very special to me. They are not fancy, but they are special nonetheless.

The first present I've received in the morning is from Mom. In the morning, she said this to me, "Good morning, Birthday Boy! I love you!". I was half asleep and said "I love you too, Mom!". Then I realized, this is the first time I heard such words. My family hasn't been the affectionate type, so hearing that comes to me as a shock. A good one, mind you. It's not expensive, but it meant a lot to me.

The second present is the birthday wishes I get from everyone who sent me one. For someone who has been used to the idea of him being forgotten, it was a surprise how many people remembered. Bro #1 sent me his birthday wishes at 12.01 A.M in the morning while he's on call.

When Ash called me, I was with a friend of mine registering our university forms. I had to break the conversation because my friend was having trouble with my printer. Sorry about that, Ash.

I also spent some time looking for a way to fix Sis' laptop, but I'm sorry to say, the CD I gave her is needed. Sis, I'm sure it's somewhere in your room. Sorry I couldn't do much.

However, I digress. Anyway, the third gift I received is a cheesecake cake with orange jam topping, about 0.5KG(1.1 lb) from both parents. I didn't dare to take a picture of the cake because it was somewhat defaced by a mistake made by the salesgirl. Whoever thought of putting a cake box in a plastic bag? The cake is a sad sight, but it is still delicious. Personally, I didn't care much about cake and birthday songs, I find it a little embarrassing. But, I'm happy despite feeling a little embarrassed.

Mom commented it would probably be the last birthday I spend with the family for some time, and she's probably right. I didn't make a wish this year, although people said you're suppose to. Heh, I'm no longer a teenager now, literally speaking.

My fourth gift is from Grandma, a red packet. It's a traditional gift, added with some words of advice. Perhaps it sounds unusual, but it's special to me anyhow.

It's very plain, isn't it? But, I don't ask for more than this.

I have a feeling that I'm going to be very disappointed with myself and I would probably spend the next few days once again, slumped in depression. I don't talk about my personal problems and what is bothering me to others, so probably the parents would start to fear that I'm starting to go in the bout of senseless insanity and depression.

If you still don't get what is this about... I'll tell you, my results in coming out in 2 days, dubbed 'Revelation Day'. Waiting for the day to beckon almost makes me feel like a fugitive awaiting death trial. Absolutely nerve wracking.

While I try to act cheerful and indifferent, but really, who am I kidding? Deep down inside, I felt like my heart sank into oblivion as if impending doom would be inevitable. Of course, impending doom IS inevitable, but you get what I mean.

I have to admit and be true to myself, I do have regrets for joining Form 6. Regrets that I never want to voice out, but nevertheless, it had to be done.

I regretted not going to extremes for this. Yes, I do have moments where I am sleep deprived and stressed out. But, I never enthusiastically give it my all. I hesitated and never treated it as a Do-or-Die scenario. That was probably my fatal mistake.

Although I wanted to blame the events(read past entries, some of it requires privilege and most of it private) that happened during my exams for causing this, but I won't. I will bear all of it onto myself. Blaming it on something else is just showing that I'm not strong enough. So, I'll clench my teeth and endure it like a man with his own standards and principle.

Despite all the regrets I mentioned above, Form 6 is probably one of the happiest school years of my life. I made good friends, had a great time, and I was slowly healing my sustained wounds. I made plenty of great memories. Quite a big difference to my Form 5 year.

I miss going to the Bio lab to discuss biological concepts and to watch Flash movies with my biology teacher, MUET classes where we would have a great time doing creative things and crack jokes to improve our English, going to the Computer Lab during Chemistry and debate on our Chemical understandings(and surf the internet to prove our points!), even Math classes are fun where we would all get confused with formulas and consult the teachers repeatedly. But, probably best of all would be General Paper 2, with our General Paper 2 teacher. Not only she teaches us academic syllabus, but she also teaches us the moral of being people.

I've recalled that my class is ALWAYS filled with laughter(except for that one day where we have to part ways) regardless of what subject because we get along with the teachers well. I miss my classmates as well because all of them are good sports. We would plan things to do and involve everyone in the class. No one would decline and act like a spoiled sport. It's great, although my class only had 12 students, including myself.

Damn, I miss doing experiments. That's probably because I'm a science geek, but I digress.

I just hope that I can pull this one off. I need a miracle.

I keep dreaming about school and my results! Somebody make it stop!

On top of that, my trouble sleeping came back again. Now I'm yawning my head off, and still can't sleep. It's 2.53 AM, dagnabit!

Talk about easily consumed by emotions, but this is RIDICULOUS!

I have just done one of the more stupid moments in my life. I told Mom I was out of body wash and soap, so she handed me a bottle of aloe vera cleaning product and says it's a body wash. I told Mom that I highly doubted it is a body wash, because it's so diluted when I shook it. Like a bottle of juice. Plus the bottle cap is pink, the usual body wash is green. However, it wrote Intimate Wash. I figured it's one of those fancy nancy aromatherapy wash. Mom also assured me that it's a body wash.

So, I took a shower the next morning and used it. It didn't feel right, it's hardly soapy/slippery and it feels minty. So, to confirm my doubts, I look at the back of the bottle. I intended to read the ingredients, but since it had instructions. I read that instead, it says:

"A mild intimate wash for the delicate external VAGINAL area. Aloe Vera soothes while tea tree oil protects to keep you clean and comfortable all day. Apply small amount for cleansing of the intimate area. Rinse thoroughly."

Great, I got vagina wash all over myself. I'm going to kill myself now. *shoots self with a Derringer* BLAM!

Moral of the Story: Always read before using something! If you can't read, then you are mighty fucked.

Alright, I finally figured out the problem why I'm in such a phobic state. Lack of sleep due to my insomnia since I only sleep for 4 hours a day and it's not proper sleep, more like half asleep due to exhaustion! Hence, I'm deprived! Now, I'm seeing Elvis in my bookcase!

So, nobody spiked my food after all! Now, onto problem number 2... *bangs head in hope to end up in a coma*

I think it's official, I'm phobic of people now. Anything humanoid actually scares me now, my hands are shaking and my feet has been cold the whole day as if I'm scared shitless that someone would come at my door and knock (Most probably my parents would, but I'm scared of them too). Then, this person would kill me, horribly! Everyone's out to get me, help!

These are times when I wished that there are non-humanoid sentient beings that can help me.